The Shredder

Last week Dave bought one of those cross shredder things, so we spent a whole two days sifting through folders full of junk paperwork. It’s something we’ve been meaning to do for ages. But you know what happens to good intentions when it involves something boring.

Thing is, not only is shredding stuff boring, the decision making process as to what’s crap and what’s not is also a tad stressful. I mean what if you cross shred a receipt for the reserve kettle you bought five years ago? Or your old, (very old) high school swimming certificate by mistake?


In the end having to criss-cross about 2,000 sheets of “out of date” paperwork is the same old story. It’s all “Just in Case” stuff. Some of which has been sat in files / folders since we bought the boat, and some even related back to the 1990’s…!

Remember me being “under the bed” and “inside the cupboard” last week? A good old chuck out is a cathartic experience when you want to cheer up, or move on, even if you’re not going anywhere yet.

Before we left the house we did a lot of criss-cross shredding then too. Must’ve had about 6,000 sheets to cope with, which filled about six black bags, and took about six weeks to wade through. Even burnt the motor out of the darn shredder.

a) We just kept finding more and more folders full of crap.

b) It was such a tedious process we had to take it in turns. I remember “Well you do yours and I’ll do mine” being muttered several times. Which meant we had to book day appointments with the shredder, so we could fit around each other’s schedule. 

c) We didn’t want to burn the motor out by doing it all at once, you know, in a single week, (on overtime). But we still managed to fry it for posterity.

Amazing isn’t it though? The “footprint” of a pile of rubbish papers is A4 size. The height can be anything between 4 – 6 inches per thousand (depending on quality of paper). Oh and quality of paper also determines whether you can post five pages through at once or not. Yet the end result still fills a black bag…

In the olden days when shredders just did straight lines, the local CSI team could stick them back together again. Nowadays they’d be out of a job when it comes to paper stacking. The end result is like confetti, I should’ve boxed some up and sold it as such. After all the “wedding in the rain season” is upon us…

Oh, and we’ve also discovered cross shredders are fine till they get bunged up. Then they cross shred your fingernails when you try to de-bung while they’re asleep. It’s like a barbed wire fence in there. So Dave’s been using a screwdriver to do the job – while the paper eater is switched OFF of course.

Prevents any ZZZZZZT…

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