Treading Water

A truly bizarre transverse situation

I regularly seem to find myself being flung into the surreal, yet entertaining side of life without warning. But yesterday was a “And now for something completely different” thing.

Life said to me: “Handle this one if you can Heth.”

It even had a great big outspoken Party smile in there.

After going out in the morning, (which is highly unusual at that time of day due to crap weather), we came back to the marina. Dave went into the shop, meanwhile I popped into the “New & Used” office to make sure TT was climbing the walls up on the wall. And there she was, nicely laminated and looking glamorous.

Then I heard a guy say “We’re looking for a second hand widebeam.” Aha! So I told him ours was up for sale here, and he said they’d like to have a look round. (Fate?) It was only then I noticed the other person with him had a very deep voice, and was dressed in women’s clothing. Well each to his own. It’s a free country, we’re both open minded without judgement, so what the heck.    

We welcomed them aboard and during the Disney Tour they were so impressed, we could see they were within a millimetre of the hook and maggot we’d cast earlier. Now then, while we were all sat talking about the boat and it’s features, the conversation sort of morphed into “different” kinds of features.

Believe me we really didn’t want to go there, but “Deidre”** began telling us all about what he she’d had whipped off various parts of her anatomy, and what she’d had stuck on. Which also included how she’d been “set free” with all her various surgeries. {Well very nice dear, we’re both so happy} But we were supposed to be talking about a boat, not what floats her {whatever}

**Not real name, well come to think of it, it wasn’t her real name twice over…

We also learned that she loves walking round in the nude, and if she bares her legs while wearing a mini skirt men drop at her feet. Hmm. I’ve got quite a nice pair of proper female legs myself, but that particular scenario hasn’t ever happened yet. Although I’m sure if it did, Dave would administer CPR despite not being keen on the idea.

Yes, Deidre was very forthright about all kinds of things we didn’t really want to know about at all. (Try steering the conversation gently round to the boat, and off we went with more information about gender reassignment). Then as we were subtly trying to usher them to the door, the guy told us that he was her pimp. He was serious.

I could imagine the new sign writing on the side of the boat:

“Takey Tezey, I’m so eezy, step aboard & I will pleeze thee”

Oh, my goodness…

They were going to look at another widebeam afterwards, so we swapped phone numbers before they left. (Big Mistake).

Later on they rang up with an “offer,” it wasn’t quite as cheeky as Deirdre looking for business, but on a par. Yes, you’ve got it, they offered cash, thousands in cash. And no, we weren’t tempted at all. Nobody keeps that amount of “cash” under their mattress, and if they do it’s got to be dirty money. [Deirdre’s Dirty Den?]

The guy in the partnership (which one?) pretended not to know about brokerage, or how things work legally. He wanted us to side step it!

Even got another phone call later on arguing the case for us going to Spain. What the? Perhaps they thought we had connections with the Mafia or the British Government. OR perhaps much more likely they do?

Later on, while we were both sat with a glass of wine trying to calm our nerves. We decided in no uncertain terms would we sell TT to them, even if they offered a million quid LEGALLY.

I mean we’ve all heard of “time wasters” just coming for a nosy round, thing is, they weren’t, they really wanted to buy. So it looks like we’ve discovered a whole new category here, and even Heth the word wizard doesn’t know what to call it…!       

So, next potential customer welcome, as long as you don’t bring missing balls, a missing dick, and fake tits into the conversation. I know I mentioned getting traffic through the door, but didn’t mean trafficking of goods & services.

If that narrows down the market for our TT, then so be it.

NOTE: No offence was meant to any transvestites in the making of this programme. However, if my blog reader needs any counselling, I’m now a fully trained psychologist on the subject…

6 thoughts on “A truly bizarre transverse situation

  1. Greetings Alexandre,

    Hey that doesn't just apply to intermediate gender. From what we could gather (with total reluctance) it also applied to intermediate underclothing..

    Fraternal undergarments, sorry endearments,

    Heth the batty Feth


  2. Hi Brian,

    Well as it turned out we didn't get any chance to even talk about that.

    Probably a saving grace under the circumstances!

    I mean how long would such a conversation have lasted with all the potential trigonometry involved?!! Doesn't bare, sorry, bear thinking about!

    Pumpout vs cassette?

    Forget it, new concept: Pumpette vs cassout? Now there's a thing.

    We could all spend even longer discussing that one. We'd even have “erm what does it mean?” to contend with!

    Gotta go, I need a wee.



  3. Hi Paula,

    It's nice to know my wittering's about life are appreciated!

    It wasn't even funny at the time, but the more I thought about it afterwards, the more it turned into a weird comedy sketch!
    (Monty Python came to mind!)



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s