Humour

The Air Kiss

An observation:

In some European country’s, the “air kiss” is a necessity. Everyone does the “air kiss” in Spain, but they do it so sincerely with a proper smacker on both cheeks. The exception being bloke to bloke, they leave a bit more room for give and take…

Up until staying there for a while, I always thought it was the domain of Hollywood actresses. Fake smile, fake kiss in the air, whilst both are thinking “I really don’t like you, but the cameras are rolling.”

Then there’s another version for politicians, from one country’s leader to another, they touch cheeks or chins on both sides. (They also wear fake smiles). But that only works when both countries involved do the “air kiss.”

It must be quite confusing sometimes when greeting each other, countries who don’t do the “air kiss” just shake hands. That must be why the political hand of a loser leader such as CaMORON holds his arm out while he’s still about 10 yards away. It gives the “air kisser” plenty of notice not to try it on. However, a sideways hug is acceptable on a universal scale.

Perhaps it was footballers who broke down the stigma of men hugging each other in public. These days they jump all over the one who’s scored a goal to the point of injuring each other. So maybe that’s the greeting of the future…

I can see it now, the politicians all meet up for a conference, stand in a circle with linked arms then jump up and down outside the venue – for the cameras. Might be a bit rough and ready though, so the likes of Angela Merkel would have to stand aside and jump up and down on her own. After all, one of the gang might grab a tit by mistake. Thing is she’d look like a right (or left) tit anyway…

So I’ll finish as I started with the Spanish version, I’ve encountered the “air kiss” there on a few occasions now. But confusion sets in when you’re not sure which side to go for first…

Consequently, the “air kiss” can sometimes border on grievous bodily harm. I once got entangled in a head butt. [Which way first? Which way first? Which way are they going? BONG. Oh shit]

Then there’s the other one whereby it inadvertently ends up as a full on lip to lip encounter. (For god’s sake hold your head straight when that happens).

Another fine example is when two people doing the air kiss both wear glasses. Nightmare.

Here’s a poser: Does one do the “mwah” sound or save it for Sunday best???    

So, right, left, up, down, chin, cheek, the Spanish make it look much more simple than it is.

I once read an article that there are rules and regulations for the “air kiss,” I kid ye not. They have different categories of engagement, most of which are dictated by status. For example family members VS friends, VS acquaintances, but they all look alike to us newbies.

Note: The romantic “smooch kiss” with one’s partner remains the same. Definitely not in the category to share.

Air kiss. Air kiss. Adios…

Red lipsRed lips

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