Get Me Out Of Here

Picasso Passes His Brush On

Warning: Daft post Draft post from a few days ago, when I had time between tennis matches. {Cringe factor unintentionally included}

One of my friends recently decided to take up painting as a hobby. For a beginner she’s doing a brilliant job mimicking some of Picasso’s finest weird art work. (Her words not mine). It’s not the path she wants to follow, but that’s how it is for now.

So she won’t mind me saying, I still feel beholden to rave about her latest abstract masterpiece, when in reality it’s a whole different picture. (Excuse pun). And she takes the piss out of herself while I try to sit on the fence, doesn’t take long to fall off it though…

It fascinates me that she can even hold a paintbrush, her false nails must pose a real problem. Yes, her talons are about a foot long and every three weeks they change colour. At the moment they’re all sparkly like fireworks on the end of each finger. (Ouch)

Another similar dilemma is how Serena Williams can hold her racquet properly, have you seen her manicured extensions?  

I’ve sometimes thought about testing false nails myself, however they wouldn’t last long, (absolute fact). Can’t help but think they’d be nothing but a flippin’ nuisance.

Imagine trying to clean the loo, or use a keyboard? It’s a nightmare waiting to happen. The toilet bowl would end up full of bodily excretions it’s not designed for. Meanwhile in cyberspace a fingertip would hit the key you want, but the fingernail would hit two rows up at the same time…

Besides, what they cost is a rip off, and believe me that’s what would happen re: Heth.

In contrast, I’ve got my own nails to contend with, they naturally grow into talons themselves. With regular maintenance they look very nice, in fact someone once asked me where I get them “done.” Disbelief when I said I go to a nail file.

I’ve also been asked: “Who does your eyebrows Heth?” Answer: “I use a pair of tweezers.”

~~~

Note: Since this blog post was originally burbled, Queen Serena has been knocked out of Wimbledon. [Must have a word with her about optimum times to remain natural about it] Even her hairdo is enough to impose concussion on an innocent bystander if she turns her head sideways. As for the size of her heavy earrings, well it’s only a matter of time till an earlobe drops off.

~~~

In addition: I’ve discovered over the years that the length of an earring is crucial. Try wearing dangly one’s whilst also wearing a scarf and you’re in trouble. (The latter being required here 99% of the time).

Scarf connects with earing and the outcome is (another) pluck, or a missing ear adornment. In theory a neck injury could also occur whilst trying to save an earing from falling into a British puddle…

Well it’s almost five weeks till we go to SUNNY Spain. Which means three foot long (ok, three inch) danglers can be worn and displayed. Without personal elf and safety being an issue…

Now there’s a thing, how did we get from not being a fan of Picasso, to problematic fingernails and bling earrings in one blog post?

Even I don’t know, ask Serena…

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