After the bunch of red dead roses was rejected as an option on Valentines Day, I came up with a very practical alternative. A diamond necklace, matching bracelet, and tiara from Swarovski would suffice.

Yesterday we walked past:

{“Well look what I just got,, a broken fingernail while opening the door to get past my husband.”}

It’s a strange experience for a woman, either with or without a broken fingernail. The bloke always makes sure he’s situated between her and the shop. He holds her hand while she’s got her head (and neck) on a ninety degree angle, and makes absolutely sure that following a straight line doesn’t turn into a banana curve.

Occasionally the gentle guiding hand has to be placed somewhere under her elbow, which means she gets nudged along a different banana curve that goes in the opposite direction. I, sorry, we are no exception…

I’ve observed this phenomenon happen time and time again. (We sometimes call in at a little bar, opposite the place with rocks of every colour / design). Can´t quite make everything out in detail from there though, most frustrating.

“Well it´s been a lovely day today hasn´t it dear?”

“Whaa??”

“Oh for god´s sake swap places.”

Sometimes the male of the species will reluctantly grant access to the jewel palace, but stands in the doorway while she goes in for a closer inspection. Meantime the look on his face resembles that of a frightened rabbit. It´s similar to the stance a bloke takes when stood firmly frozen at the end of a women´s lingerie aisle.

While she checks out the likes of matching bras, knickers, and lacy undergarments, HIS feet are firmly planted on the ground and it´s his turn to look the other way.

Two reasons for each situation:

a) Don´t get dragged into the rock shop, it might look like a weakness for giving into demand.

b) Don´t get dragged into the lingerie aisle, it might look like there´s a pervert on the loose.

No surprise that my shopping list went ignored eh? However, all was not lost, there´s a pebble shop nearby so I gathered a few non essentials from there instead…

Good old BB, THIS is the one to go in AFTER checking out the real hardware on offer. Source the nearest thing to what´s already been assessed as acceptable, it won´t be real but looks real. So the next time a friend says “Oh I love your necklace, matching bangle and tiara,” the response is:

“Oh,, what these little things? {Husband´s name} bought the matching set from Swarovski, no special reason, it´s a regular thing…”

Guaranteed my best friend here will be laughing her ass off when she reads this…