The Splat Bat

In preparation for the mozzie season, we bought one of these…

2016-04-10 17.02.52

Where from? “A Chinese Shit Shop” as we call them, run by, um, Chinese people. There´s not many of them live here, and guaranteed those who do, work in a sh*t shop. 

A sh*t shop can be sourced in nearly every not busy town here, easily accessible from every not busy road.

Buy something with a purpose in life from there, and it´s sod´s law if it actually works or not. To be fair these shops come in useful for bits of things that have both a purpose, and do actually work. The likes of coat hangers and kitchen utensils come to mind, all you have to do is get savvy about it.

For example, make sure coat hangers are made of wood not plastic, and check the nice heavy casserole dish you just picked up passes the fingernail test…

Things to avoid at all cheap costs:

  • Sun tan lotion that resembles a big name to look at – but isn´t.
  • Sunglasses that resemble designer style, but have no UVA / UVB protection.
  • Clothing of any kind,, stitching is the downfall,, literally.
  • Shoes,, sizes are all midway between the norm, even a full size short of the norm. Finding a pair of clogs that fit might be easier.

Then there´s zap bats. The one we had last year plugged into the wall to re-charge, it worked very well for about two weeks till a wasp killed IT and flew away. So this year will be memorable for buying a zap bat requiring good old fashioned batteries. Except even Duracell can´t light it up.

I mean would you believe it, stung twice and we still haven´t got lucky. Might have to resort to buying a designer version down at the mall somewhere. If the outlet´s name is etched into the handle, I could take it out with me and show it off to my friends… Impressive that…

“Where´s your designer handbag Heth?”

“Thought I´d bring my designer zap bat instead.”

“We got ours from a sh*t shop last year and it´s still working.”

“Oh sh*t.”

Fascinating fact: Even with a suntan, some (not all) of us northern Europeans tend to attract mozzies from about 40 paces. However, looking on the bright side, it only takes five years or so for them to realise you´re not fresh meat.

Just four more to go then…

The proof of the sting is that Dave looks like a native, not good enough, he´s more of a target than me… 

2 thoughts on “The Splat Bat

  1. Not to worry, forget smelly citrus bath salts.

    An extremely sensible answer to this problem would be to buy an air conditioned spacesuit, with matching boots, helmet, and gloves. Sorted. Just don´t get it from a Chinese sh*t shop…

    I put this idea to Dave sometime last year while he was sat scratching the skin off his legs. He reckoned he´d rather walk round in one of those ball things for hamsters and guinea pigs, only a bit bigger.

    But it would need air holes…


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