Humour

About Outdoor Arguments In Spain

One of the many little gems I was brought up with was:

“Never air your dirty linen outdoors”

Taken literally that doesn´t make any sense at all. Logic dictates that linen is only aired after it´s been washed, else the general scheme of life is interrupted.

There was no such thing as driers in those days, unless perhaps you were a millionaire with shares in the Hotpoint Development Department. Us plebs knew nothing about such things.

However, the sentence in question does not refer to the likes of knickers and underpants at all. It´s much more profound than that. Translated from English to erm, English it means:

“Never air an argument in public” {Verse 2: “Keep it behind closed doors”}

Now there´s a slight problem with that in Spain. People live outdoors, and “dirty linen” does in fact get aired outdoors… One step beyond shared discussion, and nobody cares about who says what or when or where, because that´s how it´s always been. No big deal, no labels required.

On a serious note this is not about abuse, it´s about good old fashioned tittle tattle tiffs. That’s as bad as it gets. Further to that, outdoor arguments are rare and there’s no requirement for indoor ones. But being so quiet round here you can even hear someone let off an outdoor fart from across the valley.

Therefore an outdoor argument within earshot resembles Prime Ministers Question Time on a good day. WITHOUT an audience of noisy, manic, buffoons joining in, and WITHOUT who´s done the the most recent U-turn on public policy. Or told the most lies. Or fiddled their taxes either…

After you´ve lived here for a while, the depth and meaning of outdoor arguments becomes contagious. No need to stop mid flow. Or go inside and close the door. Or bring “fresh” dirty linen inside. Or feel guilty about it.

Just stay where you are, remember your next washing line and go for it. A fine art that is now instilled without judgement, whatever language it may derive from. People respect other peoples outdoor arguments, even if they don´t understand what the heck it´s all about.

So sod the circumstances, each one of us has the public right to state “whatever” under the sun. Who´s turn it was to change the bedding,, and air it (after being washed),, or why it didn´t get done is a relevant fine example. Such Tiffs don´t require investigation, nothing to report or ponder on at all.

Besides, the local cops are too busy discussing who´s wife has packed the best lunchbox today.

“Well my bowl of Tapas is far superior than yours, so nah.”

“Si, but the Clingfilm my wife uses is much better quality, therefore the freshness stays in better.”

“Sod all that, we´ll share ok?” 

“Yep,, sorted,, so put your gun down.”

In summery summary, we had our first “outdoor argument” yesterday. We don´t argue very often, it was all about air fresheners, yes, air fresheners. One of us thinks they stink enough to blow your head off, while the other one of us doesn´t. A compromise had to be reached, so we decided to sit them in the garden as potential mosquito repellents.

Piffle it may be, but piffle has it´s place here, even important piffle such as that does…

And I´m not afraid to air my dirty clean laundry either, here it is after the tiff:

SAM_2799

Oops, sorry I must´ve hid it all indoors…

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