The Diamond Encrusted Bed Linen

You may be wondering of what interest my bed linen has to my readers.

So am I.

However, it´s worth a mention simply because the whole process of buying and installing new bed linen {for two different beds} has been a new experience never to be forgotten. After measuring up, nothing matched the bed sizes we Brits know of. Therefore forget King, Queen, Pleb, and country, a sudden realisation occurred. Since moving to Spain, we´ve always bought bed linen that was too small, and then wondered why things didn´t tuck in very well. So this time, being as it was a job lot, we did the right thing with a tape measure.

The readings measurements were totally unrecognised. Sleep walking into the unknown, with dimensions written on a piece of paper, we went to the “Yorkshire Linen Company.” YES YORKSHIRE, eee hecky thump, the white rose is on the map in Spain. Forget Primark we needed answers in English. Turns out:

  • What we know of as a double bed is 6 inches wider here and therefore KING size.
  • What we know of as KING size is a foot wider here and known as SUPER KING.

Conclusion: Big bedrooms cause bed size deception and crossed eyes.

Just to add to the confusion, mainland Europe beds aren´t like Brit beds. A big bed has two mattresses on it side by side, each three foot wide. Hence two single sheets are required, each six inches wider than what we know of in a previous life. AND it´s all to be converted to CENTIMETRES. Oh my god, it´s more difficult than the language barrier.

So we bought two of everything for the newly discovered “king size bed” in the second bedroom, and the same for the newly discovered “super king size bed” in the master bedroom. Complicated shopping list as follows:

  • Three mattress cover protectors = six.
  • Three bottom sheets = six.
  • Two quilts.
  • Four quilt covers.
  • Eight pillow case protectors.
  • Eight pillow cases.
  • Oh, and five new cushions and covers for downstairs.

Thank god the woman in the shop had a degree in dimensions.

Today, it´s taken three hours {for both of us} to complete a new makeover. In the heat of 32 degrees {shade} we had to take regular siestas time out breaks. Normal people don´t resort to carrying out such tasks when it´s this hot, but we´re not normal so fair enough. For nine months of the year mundane house work is supposed to be left till the sun goes down, when it´s supposed to be cooler, except it isn´t. The best time would be about five am in the morning in the coolness of 25 degrees, before the sun arrives on scene.

Imagine the following scenario:

Millions of alarm clocks go off in the depths of night, and hoovers for floor tiles can be heard throughout the land. I´ve got one, the sucker bit at the end of the handle is all fluffy, and it´s main meal is fluff too.

Anyway, the end result of the bed linen drama was worth it, and I can finally refer to the diamond encrusted bed linen. Discovered after the job was done, yes after.

Super King:

2016-09-10 17.34.16

Spot the diamond?

2016-09-10 17.22.12


2016-09-10 17.24.48

Y aqui:

2016-09-10 17.24.25


2016-09-10 17.32.00

Spot the sparrow:

2016-09-10 17.28.36

In contrast to diamonds, this one came with nine sparrows plastered on it.

Total cost for this top notch quality package, with free encrusted diamonds = €239.00,, we were expecting €350.00, without diamonds.

Conclusion: Underestimated the size, and still overestimated the price. Hmm, I´m supposed to be able to judge the low cost of living here by now.

As the surprised Yorkshireman {who doesn´t own a linen company} would say:

“Blimey! I´ll go tut foot of are stairs.”

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