A Nice Day Out At The Local Police Station

There we sat amidst several members of La Guardia, each resembling Adonis wearing a uniform with matching handcuffs. Need I say more?

Exhibit A:

spanish cop

In case you´re wondering, no we hadn´t been arrested, it was MUCH more boring than that.

They have a strange system in Spain, sometimes official paperwork involves police witnessing a signature, or signing off reams of scrutinised forms on your behalf, or even using a serious weapon called a rubber stamp. Because of this the town hall and the cop shop usually reside in the same building, which means there´s not far to walk when wandering back and forth with your case files.

So we sat down in the waiting room and waited, and waited, along with several other people from several different countries. A German couple told us they´d been waiting since 9am. It was 12.30 pm when they revealed this hidden evidence. After a while we all turned into detectives listening for a printer in action, or the real rubber stamp coming down like a hammer, yes, that´s it! Their time was up! Who´s next?

A bizarre situation indeed, especially when the German guy made a fist and lifted his arm up and down in time like a fake rubber stamp. Then a cheesy grin was followed by a billowing belly laugh, I mean the guy was truly elated, it could be their turn at last! Whoopee doodle dandy!! I even wondered if the guy was deliberately trying to get arrested so he could be dragged in there, jump the queue, and have his forms filled in at the same time. Some of those fist pumps looked a bit on the aggressive side.

We were quite lucky really, it was only a two hour wait before our time to go in the cell. We planted the forms on his desk, the cop looked them over and said:

“No,, is,, here is Guardia Civil, you need to be”  {points finger round a corner}

“Oh? We wait two hours? Our solicitor he say to come here?”

{It´s not a good idea to be uncivil with Guardia Civil}

Dave stood there like a statue in shock, while I went for the sympathy vote and hung my head in pretend “profound despair.”

IT WORKED, with a gentle hand on my shoulder:

“Here, I show you, but it close at 1.30pm.” {It was precisely 1.30pm – no chance} So he got up from his desk and guided us round to the correct door to go through, then took us to the correct office to go in. Aww. Surprise surprise it was still open, except we were met with the female officer from hell.

“LLEGA TARDE!” {You´re late} Yes she was suspect alright, we could see she was dying to shut up shop and spend the rest of the day in a swimming pool somewhere.

“Cita? No Appointamente?”

Naughty silent thought: “So sue me.”

Fortunately we had one – for 11.30am – two hours ago.

“Show me card.”

Dave did as requested, so she (half) witnessed us sign the forms, and stamped the stamp down hard like as if she was killing several wasps.

“Ju come back in tree dias for (even more official forms),, NO TARDE!”

Naughty silent thought #2: “Silly cow, book your own appointment in an anger management class.” Almost said it out loud hoping she wouldn´t understand, but knowing my luck she would. So I might save it up to blurt out AFTER we´ve collected the next neat pile of paperwork.

However I was almost guilty of a serious offence, I forgot my bottle of water. Left it on the desk, walked away, realised, and then thought about security. Sad really, but these days that really DID feel naughty. So I went back, thankfully she´d disappeared so I asked a nice policeman and he went and got it for me — with a smile. How many more was I going to meet and greet without being accused of wasting police time? Escape quick! So we did.

This is the rather mundane building that contains many fine specimens of superhuman beings.

2016-09-13 13.36.28

Had to take this photo from the back because taking snaps of cops and their cars the other side is not allowed, it´s now considered a real security risk. A bit like my bottle of water could´ve been. Oops.

After going there voluntarily, I´m pleased to report that we did not get arrested in the most stupid place you can think of to commit an offence.

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