Humour

From Black Friday To Red Saturday

So we went down to the HUGE shopping mall at La Zenia Boulevard yesterday. There were only about 20,000 people there, work it out, there´s parking for 5,000 cars. Oh, and they even call it “Black Friday” in Spain,, in English.

Dave wanted a new jacket, and also to look at “sound bars” in MediaMarkt (they´re the modern equivalent for replacing several “trip over me please” surround sound speakers).

I also wanted a jacket {because he did} or at least another handbag. But kept quiet because there was another hi-tech super gadget on the “possibility” list. Even better it would look pretty when sat next to our pretty 50 inch curved 4K TV.    )))

So we went in “Pull and Bear” {boring man shop} for the jacket that never was. Plenty of choice, but it was a “No, they haven´t got what I want.” He even had both me and a sales assistant trying to persuade him which one.

“Well what´s wrong with..?”

“No it´s got daft pockets.” OR “It´s not the right length.” OR “Why´s it got a hood on it?”

I mean “Pull” me in a man shop and all I want to do is “Pull out” at the best of times. But there was a Sound Bar potentially waiting for us, so I was potentially patient, even though the potential jacket was a waste of time.

“Never mind dear, give it till April and you might find the one you like. Except it´ll be nothing but T-shirt weather by then.”

“Yeh, think I´ll just put up with this one.”

“Well it´s really nice and there´s nothing wrong with it anyway. Forget designer, try Primark instead, but not now, we´ll come back another day ok?”

Suddenly occurred to me this conversation was all ass about tit, it´s supposed to be the bloke saying what I did, and the woman saying what he did.

Welcome to the world of he said she said.

Several minutes later we were stood in front of a 100+ sound bars. Chose the one we wanted, then a sales assistant led us astray. What we´ve learned from assistants in electrical shops over the years is that he / she is supposed to try and sell the next version UP in price NOT DOWN.

So down it was, we were forced to buy a Black Friday special and forget our own choice which was better quality and cost more. What a berk he was, and what a couple of berks we were to get talked into saving money when the item is not what was wanted? Another ass about tit situation.

Poor lad, I felt sorry for him at first, looked like he was only 20 years old and desperate to impress his boss. Perhaps selling a Black Friday item on Black Friday with his name on the sale meant he´d get a promotion.

An even less plausible reason (for him) could be that we´d change our minds about the original choice on the half mile walk to the checkout. No fame and fortune there, so best to be safe than sorry.

On our way back Dave decided to try and find the elusive jacket in “Jack Jones” (not the singer). Meantime I waited outside with our new purchase, great excuse to avoid man shop Mr Jones. As my other half walked in I shouted “I know you too well, you´ll come back out here with nothing.” Sure enough, 20 minutes later he reappeared empty handed.

So here´s some twinkly photos of the centre bit and another bit of the mall all tarted up for Christmas:

In the dark of night.

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Mr Jones when he´s over the limit.

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Looking down one of the aisles.

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Walking through one of the aisles.

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Heading towards one of the back entrances.

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Now that´s what you call window dressing.

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Oh!

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When we got outside onto the car park we´d both forgot where the car was. I´d say in that particular section there´s only about 2,000, which narrows it down nicely from 5,000.

“Well we crossed this car park road, but only this one.”

“No, we crossed two.”

“Shit.”

“Right,, well it was somewhere in line with that zebra crossing over there.”

“Was it?”

“Oh sod it, you walk that row and I´ll walk this, see ya next week sometime.”

What happened just beyond 10 minutes of searching is slightly unbelievable, but true (happens a lot). Quite by chance I spotted our car WITH Dave stood behind it,, facing the wrong way.

Have you seen it??

Seen what??

The car??

It´s right behind you…

Where??

Do a 180, you´re stood behind the boot.

He thought I was joking, (also happens a lot on a 50 / 50 basis) so credit where it´s due. Or was he conning me? I forgot to ask.

Sat in the queue at the roundabout, yes there´s a roundabout at the end of the car park, which you have to go roundabout to meet up with another half mile away exit point.

So we tootled off down to the bar to meet up with friends. Didn´t stay long because we wanted to setup the new setup, which we did.

Outcome? The sound bar worked but the sub woofer didn´t. Yes we´d set it up right and the sub woofer told us so, except it didn´t say much else at all.

After reconfiguring, resetting, reinstalling twenty times, all of a sudden it was 3am in the morning, time to give up and go to sleep while still pondering on it.

This morning we looked online for other solutions, good grief Google was on overtime. This problem with the same make and model number was widespread. Black Friday was now officially Red Saturday and the air was blue. Colourful if nothing else.

This afternoon the whole thing was de-configured, de-set, and de-installed. Dave painstakingly pieced the jig saw box together and all it´s contents ready for return tomorrow. There it sits, wrapped in masking tape, which no doubt we´ll have to de-wrap under the watchful eye of a security guard.

It came as a surprise when we discovered Black Friday was not a Red Day here, with shops excluded from “tools down.”

To dispel any further confusion, a Red Day is a full, total, absolute shutdown of any and every workplace. Sometimes local areas, sometimes the whole country. Similar to a bank holiday in Britain, except there´s loads more of them per year,, and sun. It matters not what day it is, any excuse day will do.

There´s also Blue Days where work is optional, so no-one bothers turning up anyway. Only the leisure industry is allowed to operate on a sea coloured day. 

They even get a full day off to do the Christmas shopping whatever colour day it is.

By the way, if you´re still reading this blog post, well done. I honestly didn´t think it possible to write a book about a Black Friday, Red Saturday, Red any day, Blue any day, and a stupid useless sound bar.

So wish us luck tomorrow, think we might need it. I´ll keep you “updated” depending what colour day it is.

4 thoughts on “From Black Friday To Red Saturday

  1. My Heather, that sounds like an odyssey. You didn’t need a cocktail or two or three,etc? The mall reminded me of some of the posh outdoor malls in California. I did like the polar bear display. I try and avoid shopping in public places at all costs during the holiday season. Carports, crazy drivers, homicidal shoppers….I will choose to shop online. Very funny post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just noticed the way I wrote that comment about the masking tape might sound a bit kinky! I mean he was stood in a box at the time,, omg that sounds even worse. Let’s put it this way he did a great job of wrapping up the sound bar, subwoofer, and all it’s bits and pieces. It looked like new lol. All nice neat and clean, ready for destruction lol.

    Like

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