Moving To Spain In The Wrong Direction

Nothing ever worth it is easy, but there´s a right way and a wrong way with everything.

The other night a mysterious couple came to sit with us, I mean we were out with friends and they´d been listening to our conversation, so it was a bit cheeky. Nevertheless we´re friendly people, so no big deal.

“Do you mind if we sit with you?”

Bumf, they were sat before we got chance to answer.

Sometimes people moving here just want to pick your brains, again no problem, the conversation is jolly and relaxed. But these two just wanted to pick an argument.

They had their move all worked out, the “Perfect Plan” except it was full of holes, BIG holes. The woman did most of the talking, most unusual eh? As a member of the fairer sex I won´t admit to it…

So the “Perfect Plan” turned out to be a sad comedy masterpiece of epic proportions. We found ourselves in one of those situations where you´re not supposed to laugh, but you can´t help it.

They were over here staying in her mother´s apartment for four months “working things out.” Later on in the evening it turned out they were renting for three months somewhere else.

Then came the gobsmacking revelation that they had four kids, ranging from age 2 – 14 years old. When I politely asked where the children were, I was told “We have a good family back in Britain.”

So what were they planning to do about schooling? “Oh we´ll sort that out later.” Do the older children know any Spanish? “No.”

“We´re going to send them to Spanish School.”  It will have to be an International School, the fees are extremely expensive, and you as parents have to be resident, and working, and know Spanish.

“We´re looking for a property to rent, we only need three bedrooms.” {Truly sickly grin}

Two kids to each bedroom then? “Well just like we have in Britain.” {Truly sickly grin #2} 

By this time I was starting to get a bit irked by her ignorance, and she didn´t believe some of the FACTS I was conveying to her. I´m not even sure she understood them.

I asked about jobs, at working age you can´t live here without a job or investments. “My husband´s a builder, so he´s going to set up his own business.” {We talking multi millionaire contractor here or cowboy style?} Shush.

I can tolerate bullshit in small doses, but there´s a limit, she´d reached the tipping point so I spilled forth.

People have learned the hard way that Brit builders simply don´t know how to build here. They wouldn´t be allowed anywhere near a building site. So they specialise in the likes of house extensions that fall down, terraces and driveways with crisscross cracks, and buggering off without finishing the job. (Yes believe it).

End result people have got wise to this, and employ Spanish builders who get the job right.

Not long ago, after yet another cracked terrace on view to the world, we were sat discussing the mess and a retired builder (from Britain) confirmed what we all thought. Difficult terrain, solid rock, uphill and down dale, different building materials required. Even cement has to be a different mix. Without LEARNING new skills forget it.

Consequently, there is no demand for Brit builders anymore, they have a very bad reputation.

Simple example,, two walls each being built higher, no need for a jack hammer and crane:

The one on the left was half extended up by a Brit builder, it´s been sat like that for eight months and sports a lovely bow on top with gaps in the centre. The one on the right was extended upwards by a Spanish builder within two weeks, not a bow or a bulge in sight.  


I tried to be kind to the woman in very subtle way whilst conveying this news, but it didn´t work. When she attempted to stand up it was hit and miss, she fell over a chair and landed flat on the floor.

There she laid, pissed as a fart, knickers showing, her children far away, and a husband who´ll never be able to set up a business.

As he carried her out we heard “Do you come in here often? Hope we meet up again.” The four of us sat there and muttered several variations of the word “No.”

Rose tinted glasses and cloud cuckoo land came to mind.

6 thoughts on “Moving To Spain In The Wrong Direction

  1. Perhaps they got the message, haven´t seen them since! Would´ve felt some sympathy but they were too arrogant. Definitely something not right there, in hindsight I´d go as far to say they might be suspicious con artists on the run!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. maybe they were Yanks posing as Brits. uh huh, uh huh. yeh. it could be that. maybe they voted for Trump and are now regretting their vote and looking for another place to live.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, hum, Uh, yeh lol.

    Trump’s going to get his ass kicked today by Theresa MayDay about intelligence leaks from the US. Ulterior motive: It might boost her chances of re-election in the UK.

    Can you imagine the scene?

    She sits next to him wearing her latest outsize orange necklace. He sits next to hair, sorry her wearing his latest outsize orange wig for the photoshoot. {Colour co-ordination via encrypted email}

    Behind closed doors:

    “So who´s a naughty boy then?”
    “Flattery gets you everywhere darling.”
    “Oh Donald I didn´t realise…”
    “Will you be the only person in the world to hold my hand?”
    “Why yes, yes, I thought you´d never ask.”
    “Well let´s get down to business, my press secretary will write a wonderful speech for us both to share,,, afterwards…”
    “Oh Donald, will you touch my nose? No-one else will.”
    “Why yes, yes Theresa, I´ve been waiting sooo long, it´s a real corker.”
    “Wasn´t I supposed to be telling you off about something?”
    “Were you? Jeez I´ve forgot.”

    Note: This info was leaked by an FBI agent stood outside with a microphone and a spare wig.


  3. I hate when people do not listen to reason. You and Dave evidently know what it takes to live in Spain. The drunken idiots had no clue. Of course, they wouldn’t listen to people talking sense…….

    Liked by 1 person

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