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A New Era Of Junk Email

The most recent concept of junk email finds it´s way into an inbox under the cloak of deception. Personalised crap I did not subscribe to originates from official names and places that own the Internet. Viagra from India now remains in India.

Guilty of not looking at my own inbox for several days, a quick peek today revealed a screen filled with enough boredom to bring on an induced coma.

Google+

“A world of discovery is waiting for you!”

(Lots of pretty Gifts Gifs to not choose from)

Delve into surviving social chaos and much more!”

(Lots of not pretty Gifts Gifs to not choose from) Note the word ONLINE is not mentioned. Oh my god, I must be a social leper unless I comply? Hey, I can survive social chaos on my own thank you. {Real friends nod heads in agreement, then burst out laughing}

Twitter

“How to reply to business questions on Twitter!”

The reason I have “business status” is because years ago when I created my Twitter account I made an awful mistake. I used the absurd name of our boat called “takeytezey” which, when roughly translated from nonsense means:

Take it easy.

I kid ye not, people walking past on the towpath used to stop dead in their tracks and play a very silly game of “guess the anagram,” most popular result being:

Tacky Tazer.

I remember a group of six people making notes on a piece of paper and comparing the results. They even stopped walking in formation, got the chairs out and exercised the brain as opposed to the body while eating a mobile picnic.

Please believe me when I say we DID NOT name the boat. In hindsight I would´ve called

30

“The Money Pit That Takes The Piss”

Hence Twitter thinks I´m a tacky business and keeps helping me to improve my failing empire.

Then there´s Facebook email notifications which kindly inform me about what I´ve already been informed about, which device I´ve logged in from, and albums it´s created for me without asking first.

Facebook settings tell me I have to unsubscribe, but I never subscribed… Still it leaves me with the nagging doubt that if I do unsubscribe I might miss out on something important. Knowing my luck the latest new feature, or list of “recent changes” would leave me stuck in the 1990´s without a single friend.

Last but not least the airline tickets booked from about three years ago. I get bombarded with emails telling me where I should go next, which hotel to stay in, the car hire firm to use, and best of all there´s a discount on my suitcase. Irony is, I never booked a hotel or car hire three years ago. Granted, my suitcase was overweight but that´s a different issue.

Experts say for the average user, email is a dying art. I beg to differ, it´s positively booming with one way traffic.

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