This is weird

We´ve only been in “Phase 3” (eased restrictions) for 10 years 2weeks tops. But Spain “opened up” yesterday, so what happened to Phase 4? I mean we were supposed to get there first, perhaps it got deleted. No wait, it did.

Us natives think it´s too soon, but to be fair the Spanish government have set many regulations, big deal being Cities like Madrid, Barcelona, and other areas off limits, don´t ask me where “other” is, it´s all too vague. There was talk of Majorca and Menorca being the only places open to holidaymakers at first.

Some planes can take to the skies again, but EasyJet has announced no social distancing on flights, no empty seats between passengers. They say everywhere onboard is thoroughly disinfected, wait, so it wasn´t in the before times?? A survey says 80% of people wouldn´t get on a plane now. Another survey says no one living in this house would.

I mean what if they did social distancing on a flight anyway, there you are sat in a nice window seat and need the toilet? Shuffle past the passenger sat next door but one, while facing backwards and breathing in air expelled from the row in front.. Then there´s the dilemma of does a noisy suction toilet still emit a plume of air? That´s a talent toilets have achieved now, flush a normal one and your nose is within three feet distance of intake. Ugh, it´s enough to make you never use a public loo again. I never sit on the seat, thought that was good enough, but now us women need a broom handle too.

Fun fact: I once went to a plane toilet while on decent, the air hostess wasn´t happy about it, so I screwed up my face even more and she gave in. Have you ever tried having a pee on a 45 degree angle sideways while up in the skies? Getting back to my seat while hanging on to people´s heads was a bit awkward too. (You could hang on to people´s heads in those days) even if they weren´t happy about it, saying “sorry” 23 times was good enough.

Then there´s cruise ships, all docked up here with no further use planned. We know a guy who was a singer aboard them, he went all over the world. Got lucky not catching Coronavirus, but he´s living off savings now…

Restaurants? How´s that going to work? They´ve all been shut here till yesterday. I guess we´re lucky, terraces have open spaces in the sun, they´ll still have to do the empty table thing between everyone, but it sounds workable.

So how can it work in other countries without 38+ degrees C in the sun available? I mean for those who have to sit inside amidst the confines of Perspex screens? The darn things would have to be about 10 metres high with lids, and an air extraction system to avoid cross contamination when a party of 6 turns up. Plus, returning to the subject of toilets for a moment, would it be a hands in the air “MY TURN” thing, or a sticker on the Perspex? God forbid if several people crammed in the same cubicle need a pee at the same time, more toilet monitors than waiters could be an issue.

“Yes we had a wonderful night out, till the argument started.”

As for these things, there´s no getting away from fashionable facial accessories. 


We stick with the bog standard version, but there´s no denying the fact that some are posher than others. Judgement of facemasks is now a regular thing, what looks weird, nice, or just plain stupid is part of normal conversation now. It´s only the nice version makes you wonder where they got it from, would I look good wearing this?

If holidaymakers come here, be aware of 2 metre social distancing please, including on the beach. Many hotels are still closed and so are swimming pools. Masks are mandatory inside all shops and public places, no entry otherwise. Oh, and show some respect for the population, we´ve all been under strict enforced lockdown without choice for several months. It´s only a couple of weeks ago children were allowed outside their homes…

In reality, it´s no joke losing all freedom, but under the circumstances it felt ultra safe while moaning a lot about it. So as you can imagine this year, there´ll be no welcome mat for holidaymakers from citizens and residents here. Those who have to go to work in the leisure industry must feel like they´re on the front line.

In other news it´s been announced that the “second wave” in Spain would probably be sometime in early October. Medical supplies and equipment are already being stocked up, and depending on severity we´ll all be stuck in lockdown again.

On the bright side, that´s Dave´s birthday sorted, a cornflakes box card and a packet of Maltesers.

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