There´s two ways being incognito can work, both very different to the “before times” of freedom and jest when we all took EVERYTHING for granted. Ah yes, those were the days, carefree groups of humans could stand or sit together without doing a mathematical equation, personal space wasn´t a problem, and fiddling with a mask would be a source of weird humour.

OLA! Just on our way out for a walk, it´s one heck of a posh mask this, there´s a palm tree stuck on the side.


So here´s how being incognito works in your favour, you can easily pretend to be someone else when:

  • “That” gossip person you can never get away from without a good excuse zooms in for a hijack session. What crap appointment do I make up this time? Dentist, Doctors, Plastic surgeon? The last encounter was all about the very lovely two year old dog someone donated. ”Beautiful isn´t she?” I kid ye not it´s the ugliest thing I´ve ever seen, the lead got wrapped round my legs and snot dripped out of it´s nose. Jeez I was a prisoner listening to the story of Dracula´s ex pet and daily schedule. Oh, and the time the shit bag got forgotten was hilariously underwhelming. “Ok so please can you untie me now, I´ve got somewhere I need to be” like for example anywhere else.

Here´s how being incognito doesn´t work in your favour:

  • The identifying friends crisis, eyes darting back and forth through steamed up sunglasses so as not to appear rude is an added stress factor for us all. Best I can do through the mist is check the hairstyle / colour, oh and owning a pair of boobs or not reduces 50% of uncertainty. Then there´s partners, if you recognise one, you know who the other one is, best it gets, two out of one ain´t bad.

At this time of year I often go out wearing a cap, (and a palm tree) so I must be easy to recognise. “Hi Heather and Dave” (partner option). Hi, how are you? No wait, who are you? 

Fun fact, facial recognition devices must be going cheap on eBay by now.

Another fun fact to solve all confusion: Two masks per person mandatory. One with your name written across it, one without, problem sorted. Except you have to recognise the “gossip person” with (or without) Dracula´s ex dog first.   

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